Just a quick happier thought...

I love it when I can look out the window and be taken aback by the beauty of nature. Despite the curlew dismal black, whites and grays of the world. Fresh bright colors like I’m seeing them for the first time, sometimes I wonder if this is what it’s like for a new born they open their eyes and their world explodes with such vibrate beautiful colors. Nothing seems real, but yet at the same time it all seems too real. It’s beautiful and breath taking and I love it!

From my spot in the library all the way on the 3rd floor I can look to my right and see outside to a beautiful and vibrant world, and the tops of the trees some of the decorated with Spanish moss others reaching further up to the sky. Behind it I can see the roof top of a Spanish style house with it’s brick red top, it sticks out like a beautiful sore thumb it makes me wonder what has that house seen? And what does it have yet to see?

Nature has a beautiful way of bring things back to life, something once to hard and dead can come back to life more beautiful and vibrant then before. It’s amazing and wonderful and it almost makes you wonder how you could have had ever thought of leaving such a fresh and beautiful world.

I’ll have to bring my camera tomorrow and try and take a picture that could do it justice until then I’m off to get my dad…

xoxo

Tatiana

Dreams of a Dreamer and the Owners of a Broken Heart…

Last night I had probably the most realistic dreams I’ve had in a while. I had gotten up from my bed gone to the kitchen grabbed a knife went and sat in my tub and cut the shit out of my upper arms and I was just sitting in a tub full of blood. It didn’t gross me out, it was actually so tempting I woke up and laid in bed wondering if I should really do it. In my dream it felt great! Like I was cleansing myself or something, cleansing myself of my depression, of my heartache just everything. It just felt so amazing to have all of that lifted off my shoulders for once to not have to think about it to not have to worry ‘Is today the day I finally break?’

On a happier note I always had a dream where I kept French braiding my hair, which is like so impossible because I can’t French braid my own hair lol it doesn’t look good at all!

Also I’ve finally come to admit that there are 3 men at the current time who own my heart, as broken and duck taped as it is. In no particular order;

-Blayne Tallent

-Curtis Wilson

And

-Kyle Helmuth [even though he’s like the biggest pain in the ass EVER to walk in and out of my life!] So yeah… 

xoxo

Tatiana